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THEME
SONG INTRO:
Gather 'round,
horny folks, and sing along with me
we're gonna play a game called "discover your PC"
Not the one that's on your desk, not "Politically Correct"
It's your pubococcygeus muscle,
and you'll find it up your rect-ummmm.
….. Yee-haa!
VIDEO INTRO:
Sepia tone, a bespectacled man in his forties, wearing a lab coat and
rubber gloves, inserts a finger into something off-screen and looks up
with a "Eureka!" expression.
VOICE OVER:
Los Angeles, 1940's, gynecologist Dr. Arnold H. Kegel develops a series
of exercises to strengthen the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle and combat female
incontinence. In almost every case, his patients report greater sexual
satisfaction and improved sexual response when they learn to control and
strengthen the PC muscles.
CUT TO HOST:
Cass King:
Good evening, folks and welcome to "Dr. Kegel's Power Hour!"
the show where we develop the most important muscles in our bodies: the
ones that make you …
Studio Audience: SHOOT ACROSS THE ROOM!
CK: Thaaaats right, studio audience, SHOOT A-CROSS the ROOM!!!
Tonight, as promised we're going to explore the benefits of PC muscular
development for MEN. Please welcome our audience volunteer, Dave!
Dave can you tell us a little about what brings you here today?
Dave: Well, I been catchin' the show with the wife…she's real enthusiastic
about you an' Dr. Kegel, eh? Ever since that episode where you cracked
that walnut with yer uh…. Yeah, we been regular viewers. She's been
practicing lots and now … well, now she can wring my stiffy like
a wet washcloth, pardon my French.
SA: (APPLAUSE)
CK: Dave, would you tell our studio audience what you told our producers?
D : (looking sheepish) Well, I know men don't got no vaginas, but you
keep saying that we can work our PC muscles too, so I tried to find it
by sticking my finger in my arse and givin' her a squeeze
CK That was very intuitive of you! Men, you can tell if your PC contractions
are effective by slipping a finger into your rectum and "givin' her
a squeeze". While you're at it, have a feel around for your prostate.
I promise you won't be disappointed. Remember, you can also feel your
PC's moving when you try to stop urinating mid-stream! When you become
familiar with their whereabouts, you can flex your PC's any time, anywhere.
Here at Dr. Kegel's Power Hour we like to say that the only good kind
of exercise is the kind you can do while smoking and drinking in a crowded
bar!
SA: YAAAY!
CK: Thank you, Dave! Now, let's bring out men's Kegel expert Mack Daddy
to explain some special reps for the fellas in the audience!
Mack Daddy: Thank you, Cass. All right, guys the first thing you need
to know is this: There is a difference between ORGASM and EJACULATION!
Do your Kegels and you could become MULTI-ORGASMIC. Now, there are disbelievers
out there who will tell you that multi-orgasmic men are a myth, but I'm
here to tell you that WE DO EXIST! Isn't that right, Cass?
CK: Oh, abso-lutely, Mack Daddy.
MD: No two guys are the same, so your methods are gonna differ, but I
CAN tell you this, follow my system, strengthen your PC, learn the language
of your penis, maybe look up some old Taoist dudes, and you will achieve
this: Stronger erections, powerful orgasms, and very possibly the ability
to refrain from ejaculation during your orgasm, thereby ELIMINATING that
embarrassing REFRACTORY PERIOD!
CK: A perfectly natural phenomenon, which, like most natural phenomena,
is a huge pain in the ass.
MD: OK, guys you can write this down, or you can go online and find it
at the address on your screen:ADDRESS UP: http://www.askmen.com/love/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html
MD: POWER: clench and unclench your PC muscle quickly for 10 seconds,
take a 10 second break, perform three sets and take a 30 second break.
Clench for five, relax for five. Do that ten times. Clench for thirty,
release for 30, three times in a row. Now go eat a power bar, you're done,
dude.
Now try ENDURANCE: Squeeze 'em and release 'em. Just two minutes, three
times a day. Work your way up to 20 minutes, three times a day. You should
eventually be able to perform at least 200 reps per session. I myself
have done over seven hundred just during the course of this segment!
SA: (APPLAUSE)
CK: Wow, well you certainly are a pro! Remember, guys, there is such a
thing as too much of a good thing, and you don't want to strain yourself,
so start slow and work your way up. Remember the benefits, and don't give
up! Until next time… happy fucking, and don't forget to what, studio
audience?
SA: BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE!!!
FADE TO BLACK
ROLL CREDITS.
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