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As I announced
last week, Terminal City Weekly has declared November to be International
Dildo Month. In honour of ID Month, I cajoled the Marvelous J into taking
me down to Womyns'
Ware (896 Commercial Drive). Cajole is, perhaps, too strong a term.
I said "I think I'd like to go down to Womyns' Ware" and next
thing I knew he was in the car with the keys in the ignition. We talked
to retail manager Amber Smith about choosing and caring for a dildo, and
how to avoid the horror-dongs (and I'm not talking about the ten inch
studded ones, either.)
I note with a start the Halloween display: Really Scary Toys. It features
a monstrosity known as The Tongue (hilariously labeled: "CLIT SANDER")
and a variety of 'Jelly' and 'Cyber Skin™' products. I mistakenly
thought these had been sprayed, as many were dripping with what looked
like clear, sticky lube. Amber informed me that they arrived as samples,
were rejected, but during the short period that they have been in the
store, they began leaching Toxic Goo. GROSS! I haven't been so nauseated
since I read the medical record of the poor jerk that lost his left testis
while masturbating in a machine belt (he stapled his nuts back together
and continued to work.) But I digress.
I asked Amber how Toxic-Goo-leaking products could be legally sold for
internal use. "The sad fact is that this is a non-regulated industry.
That's why Womyns' Ware has had to become self-regulated." According
to www.womynsware.com, softened vinyl toys like Cyber Skin™ are known
to leak 'phthalates' "a family of ubiquitous pollutants commonly
used in the manufacture of plastics. Most serve as softeners to make rigid
plastics more flexible. A Greenpeace-initiated study of children's chew
toys found that these softeners leak from soft PVC products during use,
especially when pressure is applied, such as when a child sucks or chews
on a teething ring…. In short, the material doesn't come anywhere
close to being acceptable for penetrative use. It harbors dirt and bacteria
and starts to fragment (leaving bits inside you) quickly." Amber
says "Read the packaging." I say beware the phrase "For
Novelty Purposes Only." You can go wrong for less than $25.
Let's move on, shall we? I must reassure you that we dildophiles have
many safe, sexy options. The following is a short list of materials that
have historically been used as dildos: Stone, wood, leather, rubber, latex,
acrylic, stainless steel, vinyl, glass (!), vegetables, and camel dung.
How does one go about choosing the right tool for the job? "Rubber
is impossible to sterilize" Amber says "We don't sell anything
below a latex grade." (I suppose that rules out camel dung). Silicone
can be cleaned with soap and water, thrown in the dishwasher (top shelf,
not in the knife basket) or boiled, and if properly cared for it should
last for years. Silicone will also conduct body heat, or respond to being
placed in warm water (whee!) or the freezer, if you're kinky. Latex toys
will absorb bodily fluids and shouldn't be shared, but they can be cleaned
with sex toy cleaner. Health considerations aside, choosing the right
dildo is a very personal decision. Browsing the website is great, but
in order to make a truly informed purchase you're going to have to overcome
your natural shyness and march on into the store.
The fun thing about shopping at Womyns' Ware' is that there's not a cheesy
box in sight. All the toys are out on the shelves, clearly marked with
name, size (length and girth) and price. You can hoist `em and bend `em
and see how they feel. Density and texture are two important considerations.
If you like firm g-spot stimulation you might want to choose something
firm. If you don't like cervical contact, choose a dildo that's less than
6" long. The staff will tell you this, as well as give you tips about
lube ("don't use silicone lube on silicone toys, it will streak.")
or butt play ("Tyrannosaurus Rex is not recommended for beginners".
OK, I made that up. But I'm sure that's what they'd say if one were to
ask.)
As we paid for our goodies, the cashier gave us one last warning: "Keep
this away from your pets" she said, bagging a lavender butt plug.
"I've had more than one customer come back in, complaining that [Rover]
must have gotten into the toy drawer and… well, I guess silicone
is the right consistency for chewing." With that in mind, we stopped
into Mark's Pet Stop on the way home. I bought cat food. The Marvelous
J eyed the leather leashes and the studded rubber bones. "What's
so funny?" asked the man behind the counter.
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