Organ Grinder:
News for Pervy Little Monkeys

For me, the naked and the nude
(By lexicographers construed
As synonyms that should express
The same deficiency of dress
Or shelter) stand as wide apart
As love from lies, or truth from art.

---- from "The Naked and the Nude" Robert Graves, 1957

You know you're a fashionista when you can't decide what to wear to a nudist rally.

Canada Day 11:05 AM: It's been one hell of a weekend. I'm standing in front of my closet; the floor behind me strewn with bedding, pleather, and condom wrappers. A pair of fishnets is hanging from a lamp and my lover, the Marvelous J, is gamely clawing his way to consciousness. Coffee lurches its way into existence as J tells me about the Sons of Freedom, a pacifist BC sect for whom public nudity was a form of protest against governmental interference. Well, public nudity and a little-bitty bit of arson. It's fascinating stuff. But today's protest is not about radical Doukhobors confronting the government; it is about marching up and down Commercial Drive, confronting random passers-by and then having a picnic.

I'm thinking the white sundress with the strappy sandals. Nah, too Sex In The City.

Just hours earlier I had been happily sandwiched between J and another lovely young thing in the studio of M, a prominent local photographer (who became more prominent as the night progressed.) We three were not exactly alone, and I was amazed when I bumped up against something almost completely foreign to me: my sense of modesty. (A relic that had not been seen since Pee Wee Herman was considered by many to be a children's entertainer.)

It was a strangely fitting discovery for this, of all weekends. I was on a mission: to uncover the difference between the Nekkid and the Nude.

As M puts it: "A nudist is someone who likes to go without clothes, but an exhibitionist is someone who likes to go without clothes .. and have somebody watching. There are different kinds of exhibitionists, too. Some like to be fisted in front of 500 people. I like to water my plants naked in front of my windows."

Earlier that evening I stopped in at Heat, a monthly event that combines vintage porn and burlesque visuals with highly groovy music. "Nudity is the last bastion of true freedom. (Wreck Beach) is the only place you can go to be nude legally." says DJ Todd Tomorrow. "How repressive is our society when you cannot take your clothes off whenever you want? It's absurd." The upcoming Heat is a co-production with Soulcial, Todd Tomorrow & DJ Otaku, Thursday July 12 at Ms T.'s 339 W. Pender.

Canada Day 11:35 AM: Maria calls, the photographer who accompanied me to last night's Body Perve Social Club (www.bodyperve.com) event at the Lotus. Regrettably, I had neglected to warn her about the BPSC's strict fetish dress code. The handsome, bowtied female bouncer and I assured her that plain, cotton underpants are very attractive. Maria agreed to doff her trousers, and I knew we were going to get along. She agrees to meet us at the rally.

I'm thinking culottes, a white T-shirt, and my new white topsiders. Nah, too bourgeois yuppie scum.

Canada Day 12:10 AM Grandview Park:

I am fashionably late, but the people from NIFTY (Naked Iconoclasts Fighting The Yoke) are quite punctual. We have to race to catch up to the small but exuberant parade heading north on Commercial Drive. I put my favorite question to the people bringing up the rear: What's the difference between a nudist and an exhibitionist? "The exhibitionist hopes to shock, where as the nudist doesn't want to at all." said the tall man sporting the tube sock.

Laura MacDonald, wearing a fringed vest and a thong, has the word "Mercy" painted on her bum. She fills me in on the conflict that had kept many in the procession from going completely nude. It seems that the police had leaned on the protestors to keep them from doing or saying anything that would be "offensive to the children." Laura sympathized with the police's position but laughingly noted that as a child, the main problem her parents had was to keep her clothes on. For Laura, body shame is a non-issue. "I'm very into Wilhelm Reich, of course, and he advocated freedom of the body, freedom of orgasm; he referred to the problems we have with censorship, repression and inhibition as Emotional Plague. People should not be worried about nudity. It's probably the most decent thing you can do."

Korky Day is a former Terminal City cover boy, and one of NIFTY's most outspoken advocates. So what's next for NIFTY? More nude swims and gentle demonstrations? He turns to me with a beatific smile worthy of a Doukhobor and says "Nudity's always gentle." And then he tells me what I've suspected all along: "A nudist is an exhibitionist who doesn't want to admit it."